Free Reads – SFFaudio

Review of The Best Christmas Ever by James Patrick Kelly

The Best Christmas Ever
By James Patrick Kelly; Read by James Patrick Kelly
FREE MP3 DOWNLOAD – 38 minutes, 19 secs [UNABRIDGED]
Publisher: James Patrick Kelly
Published: 2005
Themes: / Science Fiction / Christmas / Nostalgia /

Albert Paul Hopkins was the last man. The biops were determined to see to his every need. It had only been eight months since the last Christmas so it was definitely time for another one, the man needed another one. And if this wasn’t the best Christmas ever it might be his last!

This is the first James Patrick Kelly short story MP3 available through Fictionwise, but it was actually available along with several other short stories on James Patrick Kelly’s own FREE READS website back in 2004. First published on SciFiction, the online fiction wing of the sci-fi channel, The Best Christmas Ever has been nominated for a 2004 Hugo in the best short story category. As the story progresses facts about what has happened to the world start to slip out, and it seems that something has made mankind all but exitnct. In its place are creatures called “biops” which are able to morph into any living thing. This is a very pogniant tale of a man who duitfully continues to exist when he clearly doesn’t want to and how his continued existence effects those around him. You might think of it as a James Patrick Kelly version of I Am Legend. Kelly is great at incorporating narrative information into his plots and his reading is as always excellent. There are a couple time he stumbles over a word or two and I could here pages turning but none of that really harms the production. Available for FREE on the Fictionwise site and JPK’s FREE READS site. It’s like an early Christmas present, now go unwrap it!

Posted by Jesse Willis

Review of Fruitcake Theory By James Patrick Kelly

Fruitcake Theory by James Patrick Kelly Fruitcake Theory
By James Patrick Kelly; Read by James Patrick Kelly
FREE MP3 DOWNLOAD (link to jimkelly.net) – 30 Minutes (14.33 MB) [UNABRIDGED]
Publisher: www.jimkelly.net
Published: March 2004
Themes: / Science Fiction / Aliens / First Contact / Christmas / Immortality /

“This one hears much of the information of fruitcake.”

Maggie is a tour guide. Her job is to escort an alien that looks like a rooster, and acts as dumb as one, during the yuletide season. The rooster is just one of two kinds of aliens from a bifurcated species visiting Earth. This is a story that posits some very interesting aliens, something Kelly is good at, but the heart of the story is the Christmas theme. It’s a bit silly, but I liked it that way. Told in the first person, Kelly does a great muppetish voice for the alien rooster that creates some great mental images to go along with the description. The reading concludes with a very appropriate Christmas music. It was great!

First published in the December 1998 issue of Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine, “Fruitcake Theory” and this great recording of it will certainly get you in the mood for Christmas. As with the all the other audio stories of Jim Patrick Kelly’s we’ve reviewed, “Fruitcake Theory” is available for download on Kelly’s website for FREE – you’d have to be as nutty as a fruitcake not to try a deal like that! Kelly only asks that if you enjoyed hearing the tale you consider making a donation to his PayPal account. Donate as little or as much as you like, but seeing as the Christmas spirit is fast approaching be generous.

Posted by Jesse Willis

Review of Unique Visitors By James Patrick Kelly

Unique Visitors
By James Patrick Kelly; Read by James Patrick Kelly
FREE MP3 DOWNLOAD (link to jimkelly.net) – 15 Minutes (7.11 MB) [UNABRIDGED]
Publisher: www.jimkelly.net
Published: April 2004
Themes: / Science Fiction / Time Travel / Immortality / Internet / Personality Uploading /

Submit query. There are currently 842 unique visitors monitoring this session. The average attention quotient is 27 percent. Twenty-seven percent! Don’t you people realize that you’ve got an eyewitness to history here?

Afraid to die? Want to watch reruns of The Beverly Hillbillies for all eternity? All you have to do is give up your body. Even better you can visit the future throught the miracle of forward time travel, just set your alarm clock for a million or so years and turn yourself off.

First published in the hardcover anthology Redshift: Extreme Visions of Speculative Fiction (2001), the short story “Unique Vistors” takes its name from the term for webpage hits and posits a future where you are you can become your own webpage! Full of wry humor, nostalgia, philisophical insight, and internet savvy, this the prototypical James Patrick Kelly tale.

Told in the first person, what would have been an otherwise straightforward performance by Kelly is accented and enhanced with electronica music, echoing voice effects and canned laughter. I’m not sure the canned laughter or the echoing voice work – but I liked the techno music and the sound quality and production values were good. As with the all the other audio stories of Kelly’s we’ve reviewed, “Unique Visitors” is available for download on Kelly’s website for FREE – become a unique visitor, try it yourself! Kelly only asks that if you enjoyed hearing the tale you consider making a donation to his PayPal account. Donate as little or as much as you like, but seriously consider giving him a little something – after all, its in our own interest – because if we do he’ll give us more stories like this!

Posted by Jesse Willis

Review of The Pyramid of Amirah By James Patrick Kelly

The Pyramid of Amirah
By James Patrick Kelly; Read By James Patrick Kelly
FREE MP3 DOWNLOAD (link to jimkelly.net) – 18 Minutes Hour (8.21 MB) [UNABRIDGED]
Publisher: www.jimkelly.net
Published: April 2004
Themes: / Fantasy / Religion / Magic Realism /

Sometimes Amirah thinks she can sense the weight of the pyramid that entombs her house. The huge limestone blocks seem to crush the air and squeeze light. Time passes.

Surrounded by boxes of goody-goody bars, her only food, Amirah lives alone in what was once her parent’s house. Its her home now, and she’s honoured to become a pyramid girl. During the day she vacuums up the limestone dust that drifts down onto every flat surface, at night she leaves the lights on all the time, even when she sleeps. As the years pass the light bulbs start to burn out one-by-one and Amirah wonders if the meaning of her living entombment will ever come.

First published in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, March 2002 issue, James Patrick Kelly’s strange tale highlights the meaninglessness of any specific ritual in religion, and then concentrates its focus on how such sacrifices are necessary for religious epiphanies. “The Pyramid of Amirah” is by no means Kelly’s best work, but its quite an original concept and he does a good job given the short length and the subject matter. Some listeners may find themselves wondering what the story is about, and I sympathize with them, but don’t think it’s a problem with the story. If you’re in the mood to think about a tale after you’ve experienced it, this ones for you.

Sound quality and production values as usual are great. Kelly’s reading is pretty upbeat given the lonely isolation of the main character, but it doesn’t detract from the listening. As with the other audio stories available for download on Kelly’s website, “The Pyramid of Amirah” is available for FREE! Kelly only asks that if you enjoyed hearing his stories you consider making a donation to his PayPal account. Donations mean he’ll have reason to continue recording these unique tales!

Posted by Jesse Willis

Review of The Ice Is Singing By James Patrick Kelly

The Ice Is Singing
By James Patrick Kelly; Read By James Patrick Kelly
FREE DOWNLOAD – 12 Minutes MP3 (4.96MB) [UNABRIDGED]
Publisher: www.jimkelly.net/pages/free_reads.htm
Published: April 2004
Themes: / Fantasy / Modern / Poetry /

“The man in the ice is wearing a blue three-piece suit. He is facing up at you and the bright sky and his eyes are open. What does he see? Nothing. He’s dead, no? You look around the lake. None of the other skaters seem to realize that there’s a man frozen in the ice on Christmas Day. Someone could do a sit spin right on his nose, a triple lutz from his head to his black, tasseled loafers. Except nobody on the lake is that good a skater. Certainly not you.”

“The Ice Is Singing” was first published in Realms Of Fantasy magazine’s April 2003 issue. It’s told in the second person, making the protagonist “you”. This gives it a very “choose your own adventure” feel as do most second person narratives – the effect is like a cross between virtual reality and a rail shooter. Overall, it works very well with this one, which has a very good twist at the end, even if one an attentive listener may have seen coming. Production values and sound quality are great, with an exceptional musical accompaniment to Kelly’s excellent reading. As with all the James Kelly Free Reads stories “The Ice Is Singing” is essentially shareware. You can copy it for friends, email it, and even burn it to disc all for free. Kelly only asks that if you enjoy the story you consider donating to his PayPal account. And you really can’t ask for more than that. Well worth the listen!

Posted by Jesse Willis

Review of Bernardo’s House by James Patrick Kelly

Science Fiction Audiobooks - Bernardo's House by James Patrick Kelly Bernardo’s House
By James Patrick Kelly; Read By James Patrick Kelly
FREE MP3 DOWNLOAD (link to jimkelly.net) – 1 Hour (26.97 MB) [UNABRIDGED]
Publisher: www.jimkelly.net
Published: April 2004
Themes: Science Fiction / Post Apocalypse / Robots / Artificial Intelligence / Sexuality / Fairy Tales /

“Once on time,” said the girl, “Louise lives in that castle. Louise’s Mom dies, don’t say where her Dad goes. So Louise stuck with spang bitch taking care of her. That Louise castle got no door, only windows high and high. Now Louise got most hair.” Fly spread her arms wide. “Hair big as trees. When spang bitch want in, she call Louise. ‘Louise, Louise, let down buzzy hair.’ Then spang bitch climb it up.”

In the future women will come in all shapes and sizes but men will still be pigs. This is especially true about a philandering homewrecker named Bernardo. Bernardo left 3 years ago, leaving poor Louise alone with no one to talk to… until a young girl named “Fly” arrived. James Patrick Kelly’s hilarious stories never fail to bring a smile to my face and “Bernardo’s House” is no exception. Kelly tends to write very funny personal stories, charged with human and sometimes alien emotions – his recurring themes include biological problems and ethical dilemmas. Kelly also has a great fondness for inventing new words; he is in fact a raving neologist. But all these traits are completely in service to his stories, and in the case of “Bernardo’s House”, the comedic situation and the main character’s apprehension of it is truly tempered by our own baggage that we bring to the experience, turning a story that starts out as fluff into a bittersweet morality tale. “Bernardo’s House” was first published in Asimov’s Science Fiction, June 2003 issue, and at this writing is a finalist for the Hugo Award.

Sound quality and production values are excellent. Kelly is a real performer! He infuses his reading with a bouncy upbeat tone that makes the funny scenes even funnier. But the very best part about “Bernardo’s House” is that its available for FREE! Kelly only asks that if you enjoyed hearing this tale you consider making a donation to his PayPal account, donations encourage future recordings so it’s a real positive feedback loop!

Posted by Jesse Willis